020 8444 0040 Contact Us
  • For Parents
    • Case studies
    • Sleep Advice Videos
    • Safer Sleep Advice For Babies
    • FAQs
  • For Professionals
  • Sleep Shop
    • Sleep Packages
    • Sleep book
    • Teachers resource pack
  • About Us
  • Blogs
  • Contact
🧠 In Support Of Mental Health Awareness Weeks - 20% Off All Sleep Packages - Quote Code MHA20 - Ends 18th May 2025 🌙

October 24, 2023

What to do if your child is having nightmares

How to help your child with nightmares:

nightmares

Nightmares can be a distressing experience for both children and parents alike, often leaving little ones feeling frightened and unsettled during the night. As parents, it’s natural to want to provide comfort and support to our children when they encounter these unsettling dreams.

In this blog, we will look at what causes your child to have nightmares and practical strategies to help you support your child through them.

What is a nightmare?

  • Nightmares are scary dreams that usually wake children leaving them scared and upset. As most of us will remember, common themes of nightmares are being chased by a monster or animal or being lost or stuck somewhere you can’t escape from. While the subjects can be extreme and frightening at the time, nightmares are perfectly normal reactions to the stresses and strains of growing up. They can involve feelings of anxiety, fear, sadness or anger and be triggered during particularly stressful times in a child or young person’s life. Very often they are simply caused by being overtired or the healthy development of a child’s imagination.

  • Nightmares are very common in children between the ages of 6 and 10 years, but can also be experienced by younger and older children and about a quarter of children have at least one nightmare a week.
  • As nightmares occur in Rapid Eye Movement sleep (REM) or ‘dreaming’ sleep, they usually happen in the second half of the night towards the morning, when REM sleep becomes more frequent.
  • Nightmares will feel very real to your child, who will need comfort and reassurance from you in the night and may even struggle to get back to sleep. Some children can be so scared at the prospect of a nightmare returning that they become anxious as bedtime approaches and resist going to bed.

If your child is having a nightmare give them comfort and reassurance

 

  • Your child is quite likely to call out or come to you in some distress following a nightmare.
  • The best thing to do is to comfort and reassure your child, letting them know they are safe and secure. Once they are calm and happy they will usually go back to sleep.
  • It is important to remember that under the age of four to five, children cannot tell the difference between a dream and reality, so it is particularly important to give them reassuring cuddles and comfort, rather than explaining the nightmare away at this time.
  • If your child has recurrent nightmares about the same thing, try talking through this the next day and help them think up a happy ending. This can help to defuse the power of the nightmare and the hold its repetition may have on your child.
  • If there is a reoccurring monster theme make the monster into a character of fun. During the day draw silly monster pictures with your child and make up silly monster songs: you could also set up a dream catcher in their bedroom to catch bad dreams.

Identify the cause of your child’s nightmare

  • Talk to your child to help identify what might be the cause of their nightmare. It is best to do this during the day well away from bedtime. Discussing your child’s worries just as they are going to bed could trigger worries or scary thoughts and prevent them from going to sleep. Instead have 10 to 15 minutes of undisturbed 1 to 1 time with your child earlier in the day, that you set aside especially to discuss their concerns.
  • After you’ve said goodnight consider using a relaxation and breathing technique or a simple hand or foot massage to help relax your child at bedtime.

Is your child getting enough sleep?

  • Children who don’t have enough sleep are more likely to have nightmares. Helping your child to have more sleep, could reduce the frequency of their nightmares.

I don’t want you to leave!

  • If your child gets anxious about you leaving at bedtime, explain that you will regularly check in on them. Return after only a minute or two and from the doorway, briefly reassure your child.  Keep repeating this until they go to sleep or are happy for you to leave.
  • Over time you can very slowly extend the time you leave the room until they are happy to go to sleep without you there.

A friendly bedtime toy

  • Having a security object in bed overnight such as a special cuddly toy can help your child feel more relaxed and happy at bedtime and throughout the night.

Scary books and media

  • Vet all the books, TV programmes and media your child could be watching or overhearing. Many traditional bedtime stories feature wolves, witches and bears and your child may well be quietly listening to things that you are not aware of.

Fears of the dark

  • This problem is widespread among young children and starts when their imagination kicks in. Children do eventually grow out of this fear, but in the meantime, it can make them reluctant to go to bed and can wake them at night.
  • Most children are reassured by the presence of a night light in their bedroom. Set up a dim amber or orange glow light in your child’s bedroom, this will not stop them from sleeping but will help the room feel less scary.
  • Go into your child’s bedroom when it’s dark and with a child’s eye look around the bedroom to see if there is anything in the room that could look scary at night. A favourite cuddly toy in the day can turn into a scary monster in the dark.

Seek  professional help

  • If your child is having regular severe nightmares you may need to discuss this with your GP.

Filed Under: All, Anxiety Sleep Problems In Children: Causes, Fear of the dark, Nightmares Tagged With: anxiety about sleep, are night terrors different from nightmares, comforters in the night, coronavirus, covid 19, fear of the dark, how to comfort my child after a nightmare, how to help my child sleep better, how to help your child with a nightmare, my child wakes in the night from nightmares, nightmares, Scary TV and books, sleep advice, sleep tips, tips for fear of the dark, tips for nightmares, What is a nightmare

October 23, 2023

My child’s afraid of the dark

My child’s afraid of the dark

It is normal for children to have nighttime fears and for the majority of them to surface at bedtime when it’s dark, at a time we all naturally feel more vulnerable. They are part of the normal development of a child’s imagination and usually start when children begin to understand the wider world and the fears that might bring.

Being afraid of the dark is common among children; in fact, research shows as many as 73% of children aged 3 to 12 years old struggle with nighttime fears. Studies also showed the prevalence of fears are related to age group; with fears being common in 4- to 6-year-olds, but becoming even more frequent in 7- to 9-year-olds and then remaining relatively stable in 10- to 12-year-olds.

The type of fear alters with age too. For younger children, they tend to surface when their imagination kicks -in and they struggle to differentiate between fantasy and reality. So, to them the monsters and witches they see in books and on screens are real and could easily appear in their darkened bedrooms at night when they’re alone.

For school-aged children fears tend to be related to more real-life events such as worrying about intruders coming into their home, hearing of local burglaries or starting school and separating from their parents.

The good news is children do eventually grow out of them but in the meantime, it can make them reluctant to go to bed and be a cause of night waking as well.

How to help your child who’s afraid of the dark:

Discuss worries and fears during the day

It’s important to take your child’s fears seriously as they are real to them and, depending on how old your child is, set time aside to discuss them. It’s best not to use bedtime to do this as this could trigger monster thoughts just as they are trying to go to sleep; instead have some quiet 1 to 1 chatting time with you earlier in the day and at bedtime consider using a relaxation and breathing technique to help relax them at bedtime and help them fall asleep.

Offer reassurance

It is important to reassure your child if they are scared. Their feelings are real and it’s important to recognise them and that they are scared. Reassure them that everything is ok, their bedroom is safe and you are there to protect them. You may need to do this at bedtime and again in the night if they wake.

 Building confidence

Help to build your child’s confidence and take the fear out of the dark encourage them to play games at home such as hide and seek and treasure hunts. Start with the games close to you and with time expand the hiding zone so they are happy to hide further away, with you remaining in another room. As they become even more confident encourage them to hide or look for treasure in dim light and then graduate to hiding or seeking treasure in the dark with torches. As your child is having fun they soon forget to be scared and start to build up their confidence in the dark

Night lights

No matter what your child is afraid of, a night light can help. Set up a dim amber or orange glow light in your child’s bedroom, this will not stop them from sleeping but will help the room feel less scary. Have it on at bedtime and leave it on all night. They may also be reassured by leaving the bedroom door open and the landing light on so that they don’t feel isolated from the rest of the family.

Go into your child’s bedroom when it’s dark and with a child’s eye look around the bedroom to see if there is anything in the room that could look scary at night. A shadow or a favourite cuddly toy in the day can turn into a scary monster in the dark.

A friendly bedtime toy

Having a security object in bed overnight such as a special cuddly toy can help your child feel more relaxed and happier at bedtime and throughout the night.

Scary TV and books

Three little pigs near their small houses and scary wolf Three little pigs near their small houses and scary wolf. Three pigs and house, fairytale story. Vector illustration wolf fairy stories stock illustrations

Vet all the books and TV programmes your child could be watching. Many traditional bedtime stories feature wolves, witches and bears!

I don’t want you to leave!

If your child gets anxious about you leaving at bedtime, offer a boring excuse as to why you need to briefly leave, e.g., explain that you are off to “have a wee” or “turn the tap off in the bathroom” etc, but that you’ll be back in a minute. Return after only a minute, and say “well done you were very brave, I’ll stay now until you’re asleep”. The following night repeat and briefly leave again, but this time leave for 2 minutes.

Keep repeating this process slowly extending the time you are out of the bedroom for until your child can happily fall asleep without you in their bedroom or is happy for you to leave.

Offer rewards

If your child has done well give them lots of positive feedback; “you’ve done so well, you were very brave, I’m very proud of you”……. You can also consider setting up a reward system such as pasta in a jar or stickers to reinforce their behavior.

Filed Under: Anxiety Sleep Problems In Children: Causes, Fear of the dark, How to help my child sleep well, Nightmares Tagged With: anxiety about sleep, bedtime resistence, can't fall asleep, does my child's room need to be dark, fear of the dark, night lights, nightmares, scared of the dark, scary books

January 23, 2022

How to spot a sleep problem…Mandy chats to My Baba

How to spot a sleep problem & eliminate bedtime battles-Podcast…

Leonora from My Baba invited Mandy Gurney onto her show to talk about children’s sleep problems, how to understand your child’s sleep pattern and what may be preventing your child from falling asleep.

LISTEN NOW

Listen on Apple Podcasts

Listen on Spotify

Filed Under: All, How to sleep well, How to spot a sleep problem, Nightmares, Podcasts Tagged With: bedtime battles, how much sleep should a child have, how to calm a child at bedtime, how to spot a sleep problem, nightmares, podcast

September 18, 2015

Overcoming Bedtime Fears: Henry’s Journey with Bear Anxiety

Henry was scared of bears

Anxiety at Bedtime – Henry was scared of bears

Henry’s mum tells his story:

Three year old Henry was scared of bears.  His anxiety about bears was waking him up multiple times in the middle of the night and he was also taking a considerable time to go back to sleep.

I have never tolerated disturbances at night so responded by doing the controlled crying technique, which has always been successful in the past.  On this occasion it made his anxiety so much worse and we got to a stage where he could not be in a separate room from me during the day. We were all tired and cranky during as a result.

Mandy was hugely supportive at getting me to use the gradual retreat approach and helped me create a sleep fairy for Henry with realistic goals that he could achieve.  The anxiety gradually disappeared.

Now if he wakes in the night he goes back to sleep immediately!

So much better!

Filed Under: All, Anxiety Sleep Problems In Children: Causes, Fear of the dark, Nightmares Tagged With: anxiety about sleep, gradual retreat, scared to sleep, sleep advice, sleep success

Would you like to be kept up-to-date?

Subscribe to our free monthly newsletter

GDPR(Required)
Millpond Logo

Quick Links

  • Sleep Packages
  • Workshops & Seminars
  • Sleep Advice Videos
  • Case studies
  • Our Sleep Shop
  • Blogs
  • FAQs

Contact Us

sleep@millpondsleepclinic.com 020 8444 0040

Follow us

  • Privacy Policy
  • Terms
All rights reserved. Copyright © Millpond Sleep Clinic Ltd 2025