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January 15, 2022

Sleep and anxiety- how to help your child sleep

It has been a worrying time for us all and it will be no surprise that your children, just like you may have been impacted by fears and worries that have stopped them sleeping. Parents have reported that their child finds it hard to go to sleep, wakes in the night seeking reassurance  and that many are experiencing vivid and scary nightmares.

The figures speak for themselves; at Millpond we have seen a 30 % increase in the number of  sleep inquiries for young peoples sleep. This trend has also been seen in adult sleep patterns. A recent survey, by The Sleep Council of more than 2,700 people’s sleep during COVID-19, found  around half of the respondents (43%) were  finding it harder to fall asleep, with unease around the current situation affecting sleep for three quarters of people (75%).  Women  being twice as likely as men  to report feelings of stress.

Your young person will be very aware of the changes in both their and their family’s lives. They may hear or read the news, over- hear adult conversations and pick up on the general stress in the community about the impact  of COVID 19. They may worry about the future and what this all means for them and their loved ones.

Often these fears only surface at bedtime, when the day is over and there are no distractions to divert their thoughts.

So how can you help your young person manage their sleep at this time…..well the good news is there are things you can do to help.

Anxiety/Worries and Sleep

Anxiety is a natural response to a stressful event. It was essential for survival when we lived in the wild. Our fight or flight mechanism helped us to run away from animals who wanted to eat us. But we now live in a modern world and have very little need for this response. The only problem is our bodies find it hard to differentiate between a real or a perceived danger; being worried or anxious at bedtime can trigger this stress response in our bodies, triggering our sympathetic nervous system.

Unsurprisingly if your body thinks you’re about to be chased by a tiger the last thing  you will be able to do is sleep!

What causes worries or anxiety at bedtime?

There are numerous causes of anxiety in children that can impact negatively on their sleep. These include long term unresolved sleep issues, over thinking or over worrying, nightmares, fear of the dark and monsters, starting nursery or school, family breakdowns and bereavements.

Older school aged children who struggle to sleep are often perfectionists and academic high achievers. They find themselves in a vicious cycle where they worry about how lack of sleep will affect their work, which stops them falling asleep and in turn leads to negative thoughts or even fears about sleep itself.

A typical bedtime

Children with anxiety at bedtime usually struggle to fall asleep and  can lie awake for hours.  They often reappear numerous times in the evening with excuses such as being hungry, thirsty, too hot, to cold or needling the toilet.  You take them back to bed, but in no time at all they are back with more excuses.  This process happens night after night leading to cross and stressed parents and an even more anxious child; you all dread bedtime!

anxiety and sleep
Have a relaxing and calming bedtime

You eventually find yourself getting into your child’s bed just to get them to sleep and then in the night they wake and seek you out again to help them get back to sleep.  The perfect recipe for a tired and stressed family!

Have a stress free bedtime that helps your child sleep well

Start the bedtime routine:

About an hour before your child goes to sleep have quiet time. Tidy away the toys and turn off all screens. Research has shown light from computers, IPads etc. can interfere with the production of the sleep hormone melatonin.

“Talking time”

This is the time to  set aside 10 to 15 minutes of one-to-one time with your child. Ensure you put your phone away and make sure you have nothing else you need to do at this point so you can give your child your undivided attention. At Millpond we often call this “Talking Time”.

This will give your child the space to discuss any worries or fears they may have and just as importantly means they are less likely to need to bring them up just before you say goodnight.

If your child doesn’t have anything specific they wish to discuss, as an alternative you could help set a positive tone by discussing 3 positive things about that day. If possible try and find new things each evening. Your child may like to write them in a note pad that you keep just for bedtime.

Get your routine right so your child settles to sleep calmly and happily.

Initially focus the bedtime routine around the time your child naturally falls asleep; even if this seems late.

For example if your child usually falls asleep at 10.00 pm start your routine at 9.15 pm. This way you are allowing 30 minutes for the routine and 15 minutes for them to fall asleep.

Carry out the same series of steps every night – make this routine your bedtime ritual. Having a regular routine means your child’s body will start to prepare for sleep as soon as you start this process.

If your child is falling asleep well in 15 minutes, after a few nights, start your bedtime routine 15 minutes earlier. Repeat this pattern, slowly advancing the start time of your routine until you reach the time that works best for your child.

Have a warm relaxing bath.

Have a warm, relaxing bath lasting no longer than 10 minutes. Keeping the bath to a maximum of 10 minutes means bath time doesn’t become a stimulating play time. The added bonus is coming out of the warm water allows the body to cool quickly triggering the sleep hormone melatonin.

Then go straight into your child’s bedroom; going back into the living area at this time will lose the focus and magic of the routine.

Dim the lights.

Pre-dim the lights in their bedroom, as this will also help with melatonin production. If your child is scared of the dark and requests you leave a light on it’s best to have one the emits a warm amber or orange glow. Turn it on at bedtime and leave it on all night. The warm low level light will not interfere with their sleep and will offer then the reassurance they need.

Dress for bed.

Have their night clothes ready for their return from the bathroom so they can quickly get dressed and climb into bed.

It’s time for a story.

Even if your child can read to themselves, read a quiet almost boring story and have a cuddle and kiss goodnight then tuck them in with their favourite soft toy so they are warm and cosy.

Now that they’re drowsy, leave the bedroom so that they learn to fall asleep independently.

I want you to stay.

Your child may only be able to fall asleep happily if you stay with them. If this is the case you can help build your child’s confidence in falling asleep independently by implementing a slow gradual retreat programme at bedtime.

If you are currently sitting by the side of your child’s bed as they go to sleep, start by sitting just a little further away. Reassure them you will wait for them to be fully asleep before you leave their bedroom. After 3 to 4 nights, move just a little further away from their bedside; you may only move a foot at a time. Keep repeating this process very slowly moving in small incremental steps until you are out of their room and then along the landing as they go to sleep. This process should take about two weeks to achieve.

 

Mandy Gurney is the founder of Millpond Children’s Sleep Clinic and has been advising on baby, toddler and school aged child sleep issues for nearly 30 years. She is a qualified nurse, midwife and health visitor.

Filed Under: All, Anxiety Sleep Problems In Children: Causes Tagged With: anxiety about sleep, anxiety in children, anxiety triggers, bedtime routine, can't fall asleep, corona virus and childrens sleep, covid 19, fear of the dark, fight or flight, frightened by monsters, how to manage anxiety related sleep issues, scared of monsters, scared of the dark, sleep, stressful bedtime, tips for fear of the dark, what cause anxiety at bedtime?, worried at bedtime

September 30, 2015

Sleep myths busted!  

boy asleep blue sheets

What you need to know about your child’s sleep

At Millpond Sleep Clinic we frequently hear “old wives tales” that parents have had handed down from well-meaning family and friends. So to help you sort the facts from the fiction we dispel the top most common sleep myths

Myth 1: All babies should be able to sleep from 7pm to 7am

A common question for parents is how much sleep their babies and children should be getting. The amount of sleep each child needs can vary greatly. While some small children may well be able to sleep for 12 hours, for other children a 10 hour night could be just right for them. New studies are currently being carried out to look at how much sleep children are getting in 24 hours to enable parents to have the most accurate information about their children’s sleep.

Myth 2: Children outgrow all sleep problems

Just as children need to be taught many things in life, learning how to sleep well in their early years not only reaps immediate psychological and physical rewards but also teaches good habits for life. Research has shown that people who had poor sleep habits as a child are more susceptible to sleep problems as an adult.

Myth 3: Routines don’t matter; a child will fall asleep when they’re ready

Children thrive on simple repetitive routines as they feel safe and secure, knowing what is coming next. Aim to carry out the same series of steps every night, about 30 minutes before your child goes to bed. Having a regular bedtime ritual makes it easier for them to relax, fall asleep and sleep through the night.

Myth 4: Cutting out naps will help your baby sleep through the night

Naps are vital to babies and young children; in fact, at 3 months old, 30% of a baby’s sleep occurs in the day. Napping time declines as children get older but most children will still need some sleep in the day at 3 years old. A regular nap makes bedtime easier and children sleep better overnight.

Myth 5: TVs and technology in the bedroom for children is OK

Recent research has shown the more TV children watch in the evening the less sleep they have. Researchers have also found that children with one or more electronic devices in the bedroom were far more likely to be overweight or obese. The blue light from screens interferes with the production of the sleep hormone melatonin. It is thought that even 2 minutes of exposure to this light could delay sleep by 2 hours. The advice is to turn off all devices at least an hour before sleep.

Myth 6: Running around just before bed gets rid of that last bit of energy

Children need to relax and be calm an hour before sleep. Running about just before bedtime could give them a “second wind” and prevent them falling asleep.

Myth 7: A child full of energy at bedtime is just not sleepy

Rather than being lethargic, young children will often seem very active when they are tired.

Filed Under: All, How Can I Get My Baby To Sleep Better Tagged With: bedtime routine, child not sleepy, how much sleep does my child need, how much sleep should my baby have, how much sleep should my child have in 24 hours, is 12 hours sleep the average for a child, nap, relax before sleep, should I drop my child's nap, should my baby sleep from 7 pm to 7 am, sleep, sleep myths, sleep myths busted, sleep through the night, TV in bedroom, will my child outgrow her sleep problem

September 18, 2015

Four year old Alfie was awake for hours at night

 

Alfie 4 years old
Four year old Alfie

 

Alfie was awake for hours at night

Before I got in touch with Millpond four year old Alfie could not self settle at bedtime.  Myself or husband would have to lie with him until he fell to sleep and he would wake multiple times in the night and be awake for hours.

He didn’t go to sleep much before 9 pm leaving no quality time for myself or husband; as soon as Alfie was asleep we’d go to bed ourselves.

Alfie would wake up every single night, sometimes twice, sometimes 4/5 times.  Alfie would be awake for anywhere between 10 minutes and 2 hours, even waking at 3.30/4.30 and not going back to sleep.

Alfie has learnt to settle himself to bed

Then I got in touch with Millpond and everything changed.

Alfie now goes to sleep by himself, usually around 7.20 pm and sleeps ALL night on his own till 6.30 am!

Our lives have totally changed.  I am no longer a walking zombie whose days go by in a hazy, grumpy, blur.  The whole household is happier, calmer, less stressed and I am thoroughly enjoying my time with Alfie instead of being too tired or grumpy to enjoy our time together.  Alfie is happier; he’s in a great routine and has embraced the whole experience.

I’d recommend Millpond to anybody who is having sleep problems with their child, because the time spent with our children is truly precious and to not enjoy it because of sleep deprivation is such a shame.  My only regret….that I didn’t contact Millpond sooner!  The help and support I received from Juliet was amazing, she kept me going giving me help and advice and praise whenever I needed it.

She’s truly my little sleep fairy and I’ll always be thankful to her and Millpond for how much they have improved our lives 🙂

BIG THANKS TO YOU ALL

 

Filed Under: All, Our families success stories Tagged With: anxiety about sleep, bedtime routine, millpond sleep clinic, sleep, sleep advice, sleep success, sleep through the night, wont sleep alone

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